Comment is Tree

This is a guestpost by Beth Eshet-Hofesh*

From: Beth Eshet-Hofesh

To: The Editor, HaShmaretz

Subject: Articles for publication

Dear Sir,

Following the recent opening of your new online section “Comment is not Free, but there’s a Discount for Soldiers”, I would like to offer my services as your reporter in the U.K.

As an Israeli living in England, I would be able to provide your readers in Israel with unique insights into British life. Although I have no journalistic qualifications or experience, the previous knowledge I gained whilst working on the Tel Aviv Stock Exchange will doubtless furnish me with the necessary skills required to make incisive political and social analysis of a country about which I know little and whose language I have not really bothered to learn.

At present I am in a position to offer you exclusive publication of an article I have recently completed on the subject of the current serious problems in Britain concerning trees.

Through sources almost exclusive to myself, (not everyone takes that taxi) I have discovered that in recent weeks hundreds, if not thousands, of non-indigenous trees have, in a blatant display of colonialist mind-set, been placed in the centres of towns and cities all over the U.K., often in covert overnight operations.

There is no doubt that this is the work of the Anglonists, whose powerful influence extends even as far as the local councils. We all remember the words of that former Anglonist leader, Prince Albert, himself a white European colonialist immigrant, who said “[a] tree without a fairy for a fairy without a tree”. Even then the Anglonist expansionist agenda was clear to all, and the proliferation of these trees shows the extent of their domination of British society and their oppression of the native Druid minority since their colonisation plan began. Their wanton theft of ancient cultural symbols belonging to the indigenous pagan peoples is surpassed only by their misappropriation of these symbols as part of their own beliefs, the cultural massacre of the Winter Solstice being a case in point. In some of the rather more shocking cases, objects symbolic of the Anglonist domination have been placed upon the trees to demonstrate the Anglonist sense of superiority.

This article will be of interest to your specific reader base and particularly to the students and academics in Israeli universities who are active in support of the Druid People’s Front. All five of them have selflessly sacrificed their degrees and chances of winning a Nobel prize in order to man the recent ‘Free Stonehenge’ convoy, which would have been an unprecedented triumph had the Anglonists not somehow succeeded in causing all 24 vans-full of “Red Cow” chocolate to melt somewhere along the route through North Africa.

Another article upon which I am currently working concerns the recent revelation, as exposed in The Guardian, that settlements exist within the UK. Pending a UN resolution on the issue, their legal status is as yet undefined, but I am following up a lead which would suggest that they were illegally established by an ideologically extreme branch of the Anglonist movement known as the Women’s Institute, which repeatedly harasses the innocent indigenous population with strawberry jam and scones, as well as exposing them to terrifying threats of calendar-related nudity. Undoubtedly, these settlements with their extremist population present a real threat to peace and justice in the region.

I await your response to this proposition and look forward to a mutually beneficial working relationship, although you would not have to pay me much, as I am totally committed to the cause of bringing about the downfall of the Anglonist settlers and the liberation of the heroic Druid people.

Regards,

Beth Eshet-Hofesh

*aka Israelinurse