Zionist-Conspiracy-O-Matic (TM). (Designed especially for CiF’s Jonathan Steele)

Courtesy of the blog, Judeosphere.

As a courtesy to CiF contributor Jonathan Steele – whose recent piece characterized the U.S. president, and media, as bowing to pressure from the all-powerful Zionist lobbyadvancing a narrative rife with classic conspiratorial tones – here’s the Official Judeosphere Zionist-Conspiracy-O-Matic (TM).  It’s simple.  Now Steele, when writing future columns alleging that the organized Jewish community (2% of the U.S. population) exerts a nefarious influence over the U.S. body politic (a seeming omnipotence which renders powerful figures like, you know, the President of the United States, all but impotent to confront it),  merely has to follow this flow chart and mix-and-match items from actual conspiracy theories. It allows for dozens of variations, and it’s an incredible time-saver!

26 replies »

  1. @ Adam

    The Steele article was ridiculous, of course.

    But it seems you have too much time to kill. You’re going way over the top, there.

    9/11, JFK, the Protocols, the dancing Israelis, the 4,000 Israeli WTC survivors …


    There’s enough anti-Israel shit out there without having to resort to this nonsense.

  2. Yes, it is ridiculous of course because they did not include the tsunamis in level three. Brilliant otherwise.

  3. Oh, how hilarious. Excuse me.

    I myself have challenged more extreme anti-Israel posters on CiF by suggesting that the Zionists caused the Haiti earthquake.

    But this is ridiculous.

  4. Thanks Adam.

    This should be a link to archive to include in comments on CiF threads.

    Rational posters coming here will have a great laugh. A laugh that will defeat CiF.

  5. pretzelberg

    You call this brilliant? Useful?? And not counter-productive?

    Pretz. You really should do something about your ‘laugh’ quotient.

  6. Hi Pretzel

    I myself have challenged more extreme anti-Israel posters on CiF by suggesting that the Zionists caused the Haiti earthquake.

    But this is not a joke, naturally we caused it. What do you think – how to harvest fresh human organs without a good earthquake!?

  7. Pretzelberg:

    In one sense, this id a joke. But it’s funny it’s as close as it’s possible to get to a simple satire on anti-Semitic and anti-Israel theories. Most of these accusations have, in fact, be made or are still being made. Ridiculing them in this fashion is perfectly healthy. So, I fear you have to improve your sense of humour and to read more anti-Israel rhetoric. The more you can put together, the more they seem utterly fantastic, and the more we (which should include you) pile on the ridicule, the more the people who have recourse to this sort of thing may squirm.

  8. Hello, Denis

    You are spot-on in what you say about the fantastic nature of anti-Israel rhetoric. Ridiculing the purveyors of it is one way to undermine them too, given that the rigidity of thought required of someone who is inclined towards Islamic supremacist ideology cannot take on board nuance, which is a vital pre-requisite of understanding satire or jokes at their expense, and being able to “roll with the punches” rather than fume about them.

    The result of being joked about is that such people become very exercised because the joke threatens their sense of omnipotence and control. Also they genuinely cannot understand people whose views and thoughts do not correspond with theirs (ie they lack the theory of mind which makes it possible to accept that people may think differently and to be comfortable with that, or even that there can be such things a good natured jokes at their expense) and immediately perceive them to be a threat. Being inclined towards paranoia, they cannot conceive of people laughing “with” them either – they would always perceive any joke to have malicious intent.

    And I absolutely agree with you that the more such people froth, the more we should pile on the ridicule.

  9. Shades of Ephraim Kishon:

    Dear terrorist/ commando/ freedom fighter … etc

    {from “So Sorry We Won”}

  10. I think it’s brilliant but it does miss a mention of the Jews (on Venus) who direct all these manifestations of power.

  11. @ Mitnaged

    Actually the article opened my eyes to the obvious, i.e. that the Jews collaborated with the mafia to execute the 1997 Asian financial crisis in order to halt the advance of socialism, a centuries-old plot cunningly devised (with astounding foresight) by the Rothschildts and more recently covered up by countless Hollywood movies.

    Thanks be to David Duke for removing the scales from our eyes.

  12. Ephraim Kishon was an Israeli humourist who created cartoons and wrote books throughout the 1950’s to the 1980’s. i don’t know when he died. His first book, as far as I know, was “Look back Mrs Lot”, including some hilarious sketches fromthe early days of the state. Then followed, I believe, Noah’s Ark, So Sorry We Won and a few others.

    @ Mitnaged: quite right – that’s why they went all ape over the Mohammed cartoons, which would therefore profitably be reintroduced from time to time from untraceable sources.

  13. As Comment is Free why can’t I get it 2-4-1 at the Yaish Supermarket and the Arab-owned Dahan fruit’n’veg market here in Karmiel, Galilee, Israel. Of course, it’s clear. The Guardian doesn’t want a girl to eat.